all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
