What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
