whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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