he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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