4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
