mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
