you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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