moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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