i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
