I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
