I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
