He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
