I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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