I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
