Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
