there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
