sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
