Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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