She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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