My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
