you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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