I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere