The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
