I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
...so i touched it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
