Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
