she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
