I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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