My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
