i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
