Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
