Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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