I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
