I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
