I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
