Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
