i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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