We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
