Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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