You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
