youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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