Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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