so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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