It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
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i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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