I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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