Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
