I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
