so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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