Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
