Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
where does the pee come out of this thing
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
