Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
