Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
