Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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