he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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