actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't shave. On purpose
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
