Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
