She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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