Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
