She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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