You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
