Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was born a porn star she said
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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