I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
