Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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