I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
