i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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