Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
