He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've blown a few things in my day
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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