"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
