it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I intend to get homeless drunk
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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