Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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